


To Be Alone

by dniedrko



Category: Alex Turner - Fandom, Arctic Monkeys, Miles Kane - Fandom, TLSP, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: M/M, Mild smut lol, im not very good at this, miles is a lil more introverted than irl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29844573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dniedrko/pseuds/dniedrko
Summary: How was he going to look at Miles ever again? He lay in his double bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts racing. He rolled over to check the time.3:48, two minutes after he last checked it. He was so confused. First he can hardly breathe when Miles puts his hands on his shoulder, and now a bloody sex dream?! Alex didn’t understand what was happening. Why Miles? Why not his girlfriend? Miles.  He lay in his bed, trying to avoid thinking about his dream at all costs.“Miles Kane…” he whispered to himself. Trying to calm himself down, he took a few deep breaths and drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep.
Relationships: Miles Kane/Alex Turner
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. What The F*ck?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mess and i have no clue what i’m doing. enjoy

**_#_ ** **2008**

**France**

**#Alex**

Reaching his skinny arm out, Alex sloppily shut his obnoxious alarm off before exhaling a long groan and flipping the sheets off of his body, pulling his heavy legs out off of the double bed. He had slept horribly the night before, kept awake by his thoughts. It takes a bit, but dark his hazel eyes adjust to his surroundings and gaze to the door of his room. 

First thought.  _ Miles. _

Once he was finished combing his dark brown locks and brushing his teeth, he made his way to the door craving for a cup of strong coffee. 

Opening the door, he steps out and runs straight into Miles, his best mate. He adored Miles. Everything about him Alex loved, the messy mop of chestnut hair on his head, his crooked teeth, his smell. Oh, his smell. Like the strong cigarettes that he smoked and some masculine scent that reminded him of something that he just couldn’t put his finger on.

Miles’ voice pulls him out of his fast swirling thoughts, 

“Mornin’ Al.” Miles said heavily, voice still clogged with sleep

“Morning, Miles.” He responded.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Miles, but he wasn’t like his other friends. Not that he was weird, he wasn’t, he just connected with Alex and understood his broad thoughts like no one else did. Since they arrived in France two days ago, to record their album, Miles was constantly on Alex's mind. He almost felt bad about it. Not that he shouldn’t be thinking about Miles at this time, but it was like he had taken over every single one of his deepening thoughts. He thinks about his girlfriend, Alexa, back ‘round to Miles, his rising-to-fame band, back around to Miles’ and his growing relationship, his parents, his friends, all of them to be wrapped in a tight blanket of Miles Peter Kane. Now that he was thinking harder of it, he WAS starting to feel bad.

After breakfast and a good 4 hours of spending time in the studio, they decided to break, go out for lunch. 

“Gotta change before we leave, mate.” Alex let Miles know. “burning up in this bloody T-shirt”

Miles nodded in response 

“Right. Hurry up. ‘M getting hungry.” 

He ran as fast as he could to his room, greeted with a whoosh of cool air as he stepped into the house. He continued to sprint to his room, digging around in his disorganized black suitcase until he settled on a black tank top. Slipping it on and jogging back to where he left Miles, he spotted him chatting to Owen while smoking a cigarette. 

“How’d you feel ‘bout Chinese?” 

Miles inquired, tightly wrapping his arm around Alex’s bare shoulders. Alex felt even more intensifying heat tingling and spreading throughout his body from where Miles lightly rested his fingers. 

“Fine with me.” Alex hardly choked out.

_ What the fuck, Alex? Stop doing that.  _

He scolded himself inwards.

What the fuck, though? Why could he barley make out a word let alone anything else in the fucking world except Miles? Why was it like this all of a sudden? Maybe not all of a sudden, but he was sure to cherish the fingers resting on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex felt Miles’ hand leave his shoulder and slide down the crease of his back. He felt a swelling in his chest. Like he couldn’t breathe.

They were walking down the sidewalk side by side in the heat, followed by James, Owen, and a few others at quite a distance. The studio wasn’t far from the town square, so cars weren’t necessary.

they made the final left turn to the restaurant, When Alex’s phone started to buzz in his pocket. He halted to a stop to dig it out and check who it was. 

James. Alex turned around, to see they weren’t behind them any longer.

“ _ Where the hell are you two _ ?!” He exclaimed unnecessarily loudly into the phone.

Loud enough for Miles to hear it himself. 

“At...at the fucking restaurant. Where else would we be.” Alex snapped.

“ _ Okay, WHICH fucking restaurant? Don’t see you here.” _

“Where are  _ you _ ?” Alex asked, looking up at Miles, with wide eyes, who shrugged in response. He continued to look at Miles, watching him pull out his pack of cigarettes. Fingers, nimble and soft, flipping open the pack, Alex saw the flexing tendons in his wrist...

“ _ ALEX _ !” James bellowed into the phone. This spacing out was starting to happen more than necessary. 

“What?!” Alex replied with the exact tone.

_ “We. Are. At. The. Burger house. I thought we decided on that.” _

James continued with an overly harsh tone. He got easily irritated when he was hungry and realizing what had happened, a simple misunderstanding, Alex explained and they worked out what they were going to do. Watching Miles drag through a cigarette while waiting. 

“Bye now, see you back at the studio at one.” Finally he hung up.

Miles gave him a puzzled look.

“They missed the memo that we were getting Chinese. Rest of the gang is a few blocks behind us, at, uh, the burger house?” He explained to Miles. “Gonna eat here and meet back at the studio at one.”

“Right. Sounds good.” Miles answered.

Sitting at a small table with two chairs underneath a vent hard at work, Miles and Alex took a seat, chatting about ‘Standing Next to Me’ the song they were in the middle of making at this moment. They ordered their food and it was served to them before they knew it. 

“You know,” Miles swallowed his bite

“We’ve hardly spent time together  _ alone _ since we got here. It feels good. To be alone.”

Alex looked up, meeting Miles’ large droopy brown eyes. 

A pause. 

A pause a bit too long for Alex’s own comfort. 

He cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence. 

“Yes. Yeah. You’re right.” Alex felt hot blood creeping up his neck and his cheeks.  “Sorry.” 

_ What. The. Fuck. _

“No need to be sorry. Just pointing it out.” Miles continued “Are you alright? You seem a bit… off today.” Miles pointed out. 

“M’fine. Had a shitty night sleep.” He responded 

“Why? Summat worrying you?” 

“No. No. Just… thinkin’.” 

“‘Bout what?” 

Not right things. Not right to Alex. Not normal for him. 

_ You. I was thinking about you. All I think about anymore. It’s you.  _ The dangerous thoughts passed through his head as a possible response. 

“Just stuff with the Monkeys,” he lied “just about those past gigs we had and if they could have been better.” It was the first thing to pop up into his head and it was certainly not true. 

“None of that. It’s in the past. Plus, you are always amazing on stage. There’s no ‘bad Arctic Monkeys concert’.”

As reassuring as those words were, they didn’t help. Especially because it’s not what he needed to hear. He didn’t know exactly what he needed to hear. But it wasn’t that.

Their waiter had come up to the table placing the bill in front of Miles. 

“I got it,” Alex announced to the waiter, who picked it back up and started to put it in front of Alex. 

“Don’t be stupid. I can take care of it.” Miles retorted.

The waiter looked at Alex, looked at Miles. Sighed, and placed it in the middle of the table leaving the two to figure it out. 

**#Miles**

Miles was confused. Before him and Alex had left for France, everything was fine. It was just them. They’re normal friendship. Nothing  _ bad _ had happened between them. But upon arrival Alex seemed like he was on edge and like everything was more... awkward. He realized that they had boundaries in their friendship, though Miles wanted to soothe Alex. Comfort him and tell him whatever was bothering him, it would be okay and he was always there for him. He shook his head shifting those thoughts out of place. He had gotten an answer at lunch, but still felt a heavy weight that wasn’t usually there when he was with Alex. 

“You know that I’m here. To talk. If there’s ever anything more than that or summat… you know..”

Miles trailed off after paying for the bill and currently walking back to the studio with Alex. 

“Yeah. I know. Thanks mate. For paying. And that.” Alex stuttered

There it was that awkwardness. Something Alex didn’t usually possess. 

“Right then.” He responded. It was unusually quiet for the rest of the trip back, until their hands brushed.

It’s happened before. It’s just a thing that happens. Not like they were holding hands. After the contact, Alex winced, pulled his hand away at the speed of light and apologized. Again.

“What the fuck has gotten into you lately? You were perfectly fine before leaving. No bull shitting this time because I know it’s more than the Monkeys.” Miles responded to the apology. 

Alex sighed.

“What the fuck indeed, Miles. Couldn’t tell ya if i tried.” Alex said, patting his back pocket. “Can I have a cigarette?” 

“Uh, sure.” Miles acknowledged Alex and handed him the crinkled pack. Miles looked up at Alex and met his deep eyes. Full of emotion. Confusion he felt. 

Miles, like Alex, was aware of their special relationship. Alex was important to Miles and vice versa. He was someone that Miles felt like he was searching for for a long time. Like, a perfect match. He wanted to hold him again. Hold him and help him get through whatever he was feeling. Alex broke the eye contact to look at his watch.

“Shit! It’s 12:50, we need to go!” He ordered Miles. They started into an efficient jog, all the way back to the studio. It was hot and he was starting to sweat. 

Upon arrival to the studio, Miles looked over at Alex, who was panting famously, sweat glistening on his sharp features and biceps. Miles couldn’t help but notice. He looked up and realized that He was looking at him and Alex chuckled. Miles felt embarrassment creeping up his throat. He gave a light giggle back. 

“Let’s go clean up,” suggested Al, “We’ll start back up again?” 

“Sure, sure” Miles replied, walking into the place they were staying, soothed by the cold air. He followed Alex down the hall to their rooms. 

“Gonna help me, then?” Alex questioned.

“Hmm?”

“You’re following me, you’ve got your own bathroom, or are you going to help me?”

Miles had made a fool out of himself, again. He realized he was indeed, following Alex into his room. He wanted to kick himself.

“Right, sorry. Must be the heat. ‘M not paying attention to meself.” He stated.

Alex nodded and shut the door as Miles turned to go to his room directly across the hall. What had gotten into _ him _ ? 

**#Alex**

He didn’t quite understand what he felt for miles right now. Why had it changed? Miles was his best friend. 

“You’re following me,” Alex stated “you’ve got your own bathroom, or are you going to help me?” Alex pondered 

_ Say you’ll stay. Say you’ll stay. Please.  _

“Right, sorry. Must be the heat. ‘M not paying attention to meself.” 

He thought he made his disappointment clear in his facial expression. Nodding and shutting the door almost in Miles’ face.

——–——————————

Miles’ breath was heavy and hot in Alex’ ear. Alex’s hands were tangled in Miles’ hair. Alex was feeling the weight of Miles on top of him in his bed, stroking Alex slowly, quickly picking up his pace. Miles brought his thumb to the head of Alex's cock. His breath hitched, thrusting his hips up.

“You like that, huh?” Miles giving a breathy chuckle in his ear.

Alex squirmed underneath him, whining. 

After that remark, he felt Miles picked himself off of Alex and stood up, still fully clothed, his hair messy and in his face because of Alex’s hands previously locked into the chestnut strands. Alex and Miles made eye contact in the dimly lit room, that was somewhat unfamiliar, but he knew somewhere in his brain that it was his.

Miles started walking towards the door, fixing his hair along the way. 

“Wha- Where are you going?” Alex asked with a furrowed brow.

“You can finish yourself.” He replied, with a weak smile opening the door. “Night.” 

Alex gasped, and sat straight up in his bed. It was completely pitchblack and from what he could tell, alone. No sign of anyone there. He checked the time and the red digital clock read 2 AM. Then it hit him. He was having a sex dream about Miles.  _ Miles.  _ The Miles he's spent the past week with. He felt his cock, hard and throbbing in his boxers. He groaned in anger and confusion. Deciding to ignore what was happening in between his legs, he grabbed a pillow and slammed his head back down onto it attempting and failing to fall back asleep. 

—————————————–


	2. Forever and Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh no alicksssss don’t let ur feelings fuck up anything hahaha lolllll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still have no clue what i’m doing or where i’m going with this hahahahahaha

**#Alex**

How was he going to look at Miles ever again? He lay in his double bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts racing. He rolled over to check the time. 

3:48 AM, two minutes after he last checked it. He was so confused. First he can hardly breathe when Miles puts his hands on his shoulder, and now a bloody sex dream?! Alex didn’t understand what was happening. Why Miles? Why not his girlfriend? Miles. He lay in his bed, trying to avoid thinking about his dream at all costs. 

“Miles Kane…” he whispered to himself. Trying to calm himself down, he took a few deep breaths and drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep. 

—————————————-

“Okay! Sounding fantastic boys, can we take it from verse three? ‘And we’ll drink to the thought’?” James’ voice came raspy through the speakers in the studio.

“Sure.” Alex and Miles replied in unison. They looked at each other and lightly chuckled.

“Okay. One, two, three..”

_And we’ll drink to the thought, she’ll remember you, maybe tomorrow…_

Out of the corner of Alex’s eye he saw Miles strutting over to his mic.

_And your love…_

Miles ducked his head to make his voice heard into the microphone, the same as Alex’s. 

_Is standing next to me…_

Alex felt a hand at the small of his back. Knowing who’s hand it was, it was getting harder to breathe.

_Is standing next to me, and your love,_

He sang hard and his lungs started to burn, not focusing on the song, but every bit on contact that was happening between him and Miles. The hand on his back, their noses occasionally bumping from sharing the microphone, not exactly physical contact, but Miles’ heavy hot breath he was dreaming about the night before that was in his face. 

_Is standing next to me…._

Alex and Miles’ voices came to a decrescendo. He heard the final beats of the bass and drums, and let sharply inhaled that breath his burning lungs needed. He moved his head to face Miles, who was already looking at him. Miles gave him a cheeky smile that he couldn’t help but return. He felt one of Miles’ fingers start stroking up and down his back and his eyes moved to Alex’s lips. Alex’s smile faded away immediately, deeply staring at Miles. Miles brought his eyes back up after he dragged his tongue over his bottom lip. Dirty thoughts flooded his brain, and Alex wanted to kiss him. He stepped away immediately leaving Miles with a worried face. 

“Wonderful! That was great!” James praised the two men. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Alex said flatly, still looking at Miles. Neither of them particularly happy with what happened.

“James,” Alex announced, “I’m going for a smoke.” Still not breaking eye contact with Miles. 

“‘Kay. Don’t be too long. We still have to go over the last notes of this song.” 

“Right.” 

Alex finally tore his eyes away from Miles’ and headed for the door. 

**#Miles**

Fuck. Had he overstepped? He, honestly, hadn't meant to make Alex uncomfortable. Obviously they weren’t supposed to touch each other like that. 

No, that sounded bad. 

Miles scolded himself, reaching for his water.

Then, with that, an image popped into Miles’ head. 

_What would Alex look like in that circumstance? Cheeks red, panting, underneath him…_

Miles choked on his water that he was innocently drinking, leading to an over-dramatic coughing fit, pushing away the dirty thought he watched Alex take a final step out of the studio to smoke his cigarette. 

He set his water down on the floor, and went to where Alex was ignoring James.

“You too?” He had said.

“Hey.” Miles said, rather loud.

Alex jumped and turned.

“Hi.” 

“You mind?” Miles pondered, gesturing towards Alex’s cigarette resting in between his fingers. 

He handed it over to him, and Miles breathed a sigh of relief. Scared Alex was upset with him.

“What were you doing? In the studio?”

Fuck. Not quite out of the woods yet.

Miles could feel Alex’s eyes burning holes into his skull.

“Dunno. Just fucking around.” He replied, trying to keep his voice steady, starting at his shoes, he took a drag. He passed the cigarette back to Alex.

“Really? Seemed like more than that.” Alex acknowledged in a rather flat tone.

Miles wanted to shrink into a hole. It felt like rejection, even though it wasn't. 

“What else would it be?” Miles was getting nervous. He had pointed out his growing feelings for Alex to himself. Not that they were ideal, he really cared for Alex and didn’t want to lose him just because of some feelings he had for his best mate. They were sure to pass.

“Not sure. You tell me.” Alex snapped.

“Wassat s’posed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Alex stomped out the cigarette and left. 

He was baffled. Not only had Alex’s ego take a hit, but now he was acting like a total asshole to him. Miles let himself stand outside the studio for a while, not bothering to check the time. Just letting his brain flood with thoughts. 

After a while he finally decided to gather himself up, and head back into the studio. He walked in and saw Alex and James bent over the notes of the song they were working on. Miles didn’t feel well all a sudden.

James turned “Miles! You’re back. Finally.” 

Alex and Miles caught eyes. 

“Actually James,” Miles started without thinking, still gazing at Alex even after he quickly broke the stare. “’m not feeling well. I’m going to my room to nap.” 

“Oh,” he let out a disappointed sigh. “Alright then. We were thinking about going to the pub a little later. Let me know if you're up to it. We’re not planning on going out much, so we’d enjoy your company.” 

“‘Kay.” With that, Miles was turned and headed to his room, to at least rest his eyes for a bit.

————————————

After about an hour of fading in and out of sleep, Miles heard a rapping on his door and heard James’ muffled voice.

“Miles? Sorry to wake you mate but we’d enjoy you coming with us..”

He let out a sigh and responded.

What harm could it do? He thought.

“Right. I’ll be out in a few.” 

Miles could practically hear the smile in James’ voice. 

“Great!”

Upon arrival James immediately ordered beers for the whole gang, and Miles found his way to the end corner of the bar, a little far from the rest of the gang, but close enough that you could still hear them. He looked up a few minutes later and saw Alex downing a second beer already. James was talking to him and he could make out the words in the loud bar. 

“Slow down. It’s that bad is it?”

“Whass bad?” Alex was already starting to lightly slur his words. 

James looked up at Miles, and Miles tore his eyes away. 

“Be right back Al,” James said, and Miles could see him walking over in his peripheral vision.

James set down his beer and sat next Miles.

“What happened.” As if he were demanding an answer. No questioning in that statement.

“Dunno.” Miles countered. James gave him a look of doubt. “Really! He’s been… weird since we arrived. I can't be the only one who’s noticed.” Miles cast a glance at Alex, who was paying absolutely no attention. 

“Talk to him. You’re the only one of us that can really get anything out of him. Hate to see him downing beers so bloody fast.” James continued, “Don't want him to get too pissed, either. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of ourselves tomorrow, due to you two's little mishap.” Miles nodded his head, and James walked away.

**#Alex**

Blood was rushing in his ears. The buzz of alcohol was quickly escalating, making his chest feel warm and that warmth was spreading throughout his body. His brain and thoughts felt loose, like all of his tight knotted concerns at the moment had been de-tangled. Right now all he cared about was getting more of that feeling, and faster. He downed two shots of tequila, looked across the room and spotted Miles, staring at him. Miles didn’t bother to look away, in fact he did the opposite. He stood up, and started walking towards Al. 

_Fuck._ He said inwards.

Alex wasn’t mad at Miles. He couldn’t hold a grudge towards him. Plus there’s nothing to hold against him. He was just messing around with him in the studio. As he said: ‘Just fucking around’. Alex had over reacted a tad. 

To be fair he wasn’t sure how to react. Why not make the fucking most of it? He sighed upon Miles' arrival.

“Yes?” He asked him.

“Let’s go out for a smoke.” Miles demanded. 

“Don't need it” Alex replied, looking down at his drink.

“Don’t care.” Miles said, grabbing Alex’s arm and pulling him out of the bar not bothering to put up a fight. The bartender yelled something at Alex in french, about his drink he made out. 

“I _WILL_ BE BACK! PROMISE!” He yelled, drunkenly loud to her. She had rolled her eyes in response.

MIles was pulling him along to the outside of the bar a bit unnecessarily rough, in his opinion. Once they got out, the fresh hot air whooshed in his face and he giggled. 

“Jesus, Al. You’re that drunk already?” Miles grilled.

“Mmm. What’s it I- uh, you need?” Alex returned. 

“I need you to talk to me. Best get you in your most vulnerable state, huh?” Miles told him. “Alex. I’m serious.” 

Alex thought it was fitting, and he had an excuse to make a stupid joke, all of his thoughts were garbled and misplaced. 

“No, you’re Miles.” He chuckled.

Miles' face went from neutral to disappointed. Alex did his best to mimic it. 

“Right.” He said in his attempt at a serious tone. Not sure if he was succeeding or not. 

Miles' raspy voice, “What’s wrong.” 

“You.” Alex replied without thinking. 

Fuck. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!

Miles gave him a look.

“Me? I’m what’s wrong. How the fuck am I what’s wrong?!” He was angry. Alex knew.

Alex leaned against the stone wall getting his cigarettes, not bothering to respond. 

“Alex! How am I what’s wrong?”

This conversation was quickly escalating.

“You’re different. We’re different. Together.” No point in stopping in now. Either get it out or lose Miles. Both ending in the same with the same outcome: Losing Miles because of his fucking feelings.

“Yes. I know that. That doesn't tell me what’s WRONG!” He bellowed, echoing in the street.

Alex’s ears rang, and his buzz had been quickly killed by the bad mood. 

Miles took a few steps up to Alex, invading his personal space. Alex felt Miles staring at him, and Alex was staring blankly at the wall across from him, taking hits from his cigarette. The tobacco not quite helping his throbbing head but it was something to do instead of look Miles in the eyes. 

Miles took the cigarette from Alex, took a long drag from it and stomped it. 

“Look at me.” He breathed the smoke out. Alex obeyed. “You act like a child, then a total asshole and tell me it’s my fault and not tell me why!”

Miles looked good. All demanding like this. Alex let that thought go through his head, not bothering to push it away.

“What did you just say?” Miles looked astounded.

“Jesus, you’re more pissed than I thought.” He started backing away from Alex. 

Oh no. He had said it. He said that. That thought.. 

_Fuck it._

Alex fisted Miles’ thin cotton T-shirt before he could get any further and kissed him. He kissed him. Alex Turner. Kissed Miles Kane. It wasn’t a deep kiss, but it certainly wasn’t a small peck either. Alex felt a hand on the side of his face, he felt Miles’ long fingers brush it behind his ear. He got that buzz again, the one he kept searching for more of a little while before. Miles pulled back, leaving a thin strand of saliva connecting their mouths. Next thing Alex knew he was pushed back up against the bumpy stone wall, Miles’ and his mouths clashing. He’d never kissed anyone like this before. Of course he’d made out with girls before but never to this degree, it never made him feel this sort of buzz before. The thought that it was Miles kissing him made him even more giddy. Alex was treading on Miles’ feet, their tongues sliding around each other's mouths. He felt his best friend's arm snake around his waist, hand resting on the spot it was earlier that day in the studio, pulling and grinding their pelvises together.

“Alex…” Miles broke apart their snogging session, panting.

“Don’t- say anything.” He replied. 

Alex felt nothing but pure humiliation, and idiocy. Alex slightly nudged Miles off of him and headed back into the bar, leaving Miles standing there. Not bothering to look back.

————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GOOOOOO FUCKERSSSSS  
> ALSO GO FOLLOW ME TUMBLR @dniedrko !!!


	3. A Bloody Awful Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don't know why ‘m cryin’. Swear.” He choked out.

**#Alex**

Alex put down his owed money on the bar and deftly left. He kissed Miles, his best friend. He just fucked up the rest of France. The rest of the album. They couldn’t quit now either. He was pushing past loud people in the crowded bar, trying to make it out to the front entrance, the opposite side of the bar where he left Miles. After he kissed him. 

God, he felt like an idiot. After a few minutes, he got a cab and returned back to where they were staying. Letting his thoughts swirl around in his drunken brain. 

He swayed to his room and upon arrival, head spinning, and fell on to his bed with an “Oomph”

His face was shoved into the pillows, closing his eyes, trying to force away his growing headache. Alex was not sure how long he was laying face down on his bed, but assumed it had been a bit too long when he heard a knock and Miles’ muffled voice through that door. 

“Alex? Alex you’ve gotta be in there! Hello?” Still knocking. 

The constant knocking made his ears ring. Anything to stop it. He pushed himself off the bed to see he had been laying there for forty minutes already. Forty! He swung open the door. 

“What? What would you possibly you nee-” 

He was cut off when Miles grabbed Alex’s head and rushed his lips to Alex’s to form a hard kiss. Miles brought his head back and looked Alex deeply in the eyes, brought his hand to his face and brushed a lock of Alex's hair behind his ear, like he did outside the bar.. Almost instinctively, Alex brought his mouth back to Miles’, clashing their lips together once again. Miles walked into Alex’s room, neither of them bothering to stop kissing one another. Alex’s hands roamed up Miles’ back, dragging up his tight shirt as he went. He felt Miles gripping his hair, like Alex was for Miles, in his dream the night before and God, it felt good. He grabbed Miles’ shirt from the back and spun him around, slamming him on the wall. Miles let out a gasp and Alex smirked. Alex had honestly never been so turned on in his life. And this was Miles! 

It wasn't long into this snogging session before he felt himself getting hard.

“Fuck..” He gasped when Miles thrusted his hips forwards and felt friction. He felt Miles’ erection on the inside of his thigh. The room was full of pants and gasps. They kissed to a point where neither of them could breathe, and had to break apart, resting their foreheads against each other, staring intently into the others eyes.

“I want you.” Miles whispered to Alex. He felt a blush creeping up his neck.

“Then have me.” He responded. With this consent, Miles grinned at Alex and pushed off the wall, pushing Alex onto his bed. Alex slid his hands under Miles' shirt, and with a bit of cooperation from Miles he got it off, hardly parting their mouths. Miles slipped his hand down in between then and started to undo Alex’s belt and zipper. Miles slowly started to stroke Alex, and it was just like his dream. Hot ripples of pleasure started to pulsate through his body.

“Miles… God yes like that!” Alex could hardly speak as Miles was speeding up his rhythm. Miles chuckled. Alex was thrusting up his hips with every other stroke from Miles. He felt his orgasm start to pool in his chest and he moaned, loud. Miles kissed his jaw, his neck, and left a dark love bite on his chest, low enough that no one could see it with a shirt on. Alex was going crazy, he felt Miles’ teeth drag over his skin and his tongue darting out to lick up a wet line up his chest. Thinking about what Miles was doing to him, Alex’s vision went white and he choked on his own moans. After what felt like an eternity, he came down from his high. He opened his eyes to see Miles above him, arms on either side of him. Alex gave him a goofy smile. Miles bent down and whispered in Alex’s ear.

“Your turn.” And gave his earlobe a nibble. Alex nodded in response and Miles rolled over onto his back, Alex pushing himself off the bed to remove his shirt. 

————————————

**#Miles**

Miles opened his eyes. He was laying naked in Alex’s bed. Beside him, Alex was sleeping on his stomach. It was hardly morning. He could see out of the window and the sky was a dreary blue color. The light that was cast in from the window shown on Alex’s smooth bear back. Miles couldn’t help himself. He reached over and ran his fingers down the ridges of Alex’s spine. Alex’s groaned and shifted.

“Yer fingers er’ bloody cold.” 

Miles chuckled and spread his hand out wide on Alex’s back. 

“What time is it?” Alex whispered, his eyes still closed. 

“Dunno. Don't care. Don’t want to move. Too comfortable.” He groaned. The two men’s legs were tangled, as well as were the sheets around them. Miles really was very comfortable. They lay there for a while.

“What now?” Alex opended his eyes and broke the silence.

Miles didn’t say anything.

 _So what now_? 

“Miles.”

“I don’t know. What now Alex?” Alex said nothing at first.

“Aspirin. Aspirin now.” Alex clenched his eyes. Miles could see his headache from the outside. He sighed, de-tangling himself from the sheets.

“Where’s it at?” He asked Alex.

“In my bathroom. The mirror cabinet.” 

Picking up his boxers off the floor and slipping them back on, he made his way to the bathroom. Peeking at the clock. Half six. 

He got the aspirin for Alex, and sat on the bed facing away from him. He felt a sharp ping on his waist.

“Jesus! And you say my hands are cold!” Miles exclaimed. Alex chuckled and then groaned, the small laughing fit had hurt his head. Miles watched him lay his head carefully back down on his pillow. Bringing his hand away from Miles’ waist. 

Miles found himself craving that touch again. He was planning on going back to his room. He wasn’t sure where he and Alex were going to go with whatever happened between them last night. But he decided against leaving. How much harm could a few more minutes do? He brought his legs back into bed, and faced Alex. He gave him a small little peck in the tip of his nose and Al smiled. Their faces were centimeters apart. Miles could feel Alex’s small puffs of breathing on his face. Alex’s eyes were closed again. Miles assumed he was asleep again. He wanted him to stay up and talk to him. Miles knew he needed sleep. After all his drinks and after they stayed up as late as they could having sex. Around one A.M. that morning they heard the main door open and the whispering voices of the crew. He remembered it clearly, his hand was over Alex’s mouth, hoping, praying, he didn’t make any absurd noises as he had before, while Miles was wanking him off.

He drifted back to sleep again.

He woke just a half hour later. When Alex got up. The sheet slipped off of the rest of his naked body. Miles was looking. Or staring. Whatever you like to call it. Alex’s broad shoulders, his smooth back he was admiring earlier this morning, his bum.

“I feel you looking at me, Miles.” Alex said. Facing away from him. 

“‘m not.” Miles turned to lay on his back. Alex said nothing. He just picked up his scattered clothes, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door. Miles sighed and got up. Doing the same as Alex, picking up his clothes. He bunched them up into a ball and headed for the door. He peaked out, no one in the hallway. Probably no one else awake yet either since they had gotten home so early in the morning.

Miles sat on his own bed. Just sat there. And thought about what he and Alex just did. Really,

_So what now?_

Those three words went through his head, when he took a shower, when he brushed his teeth, while he got dressed. He figured they’d be on his mind for quite a while. Miles went to the kitchen and got coffee. James was already there, making eggs.

“So did you and Al get it figured out?” James pondered while Miles poured his coffee.

He stood there, leaned against the counter. Had they? After all that, had they figured it out?

“Uh, yeah. I think we did.” He stuttered. 

“Good. He’s been in the shower for ages. Mind seein’ what he’s up to?” 

“Yeah…” Was that a good idea? 

“Now?” James said sternly.

“Right. Sorry.” Miles set down his coffee and made his way to Alex’s room. He didn’t knock. After all, Miles slept in his bed last night. His brain told him he was still in the shower, probably washing the idea of Miles and him together off. He cracked open the door. He wasn’t. He was slipping his shirt on, headed for the door.

“Oh. James. H-he told me to come and check you.” Miles gave a crooked smile. 

“Shut the door.” Alex told Miles. He stepped in and did as he was told. Alex’s hand went to his chest, pressuring him to lean against the door. Once he was pressed against it with a strong pressure, Alex reached his other hand passed him and locked the door. Miles felt a lump building in his throat. He gulped. 

_So we do this?_

Alex moved his face towards Miles’ slowly, so slow that it seemed like he was trying to tourture him. He couldn’t wait. Not now that he knew what was coming. He grabbed his head and he brought it forth, they kissed, deeply. Alex let out a small moan, and Miles could feel his heart beating faster by the millisecond, and Al probably could to, with this hand still flat on his chest. They broke apart, and Miles slipped his hands up Alex’s shirt. 

“You’re hands are still fucking freezing” He breathed out. Miles laughed.

“Would you like me to keep them to myself then?” 

A pause.

“...No.” Alex whispered. 

They kissed again.

“Mmmmph.” Miles broke them apart. “James was wondering where you were. We should get back out.” 

Alex’s sly smile faded away.

“S’pose you’re right.” Alex said. Un-pinning Miles from the door. 

**#Alex**

Since what he did last night with Miles, he kept thinking about Alexa. It wasn’t the same as Miles, where it’s all he could think about, but now after he glimpsed at Miles and then looked away, Alexa came to his mind. He had dreamt of her too. Not sexual, he couldn’t quite recall how the dream went, but he could remember seeing her.

He didn’t regret what he did with him, and neither did Miles as he took in. But the confusion he felt didn't really fade away as he expected it to. It didn't get worse, either. At least Miles and him cleared up some unspoken words between them. He wanted more of Miles. He knew that. But he still loved Alexa, very much. He was stuck. 

His head was pulsing and anything too loud made his ears ring. Not ideal for being in the studio. 

“Here.” Miles tossed him a bottle of water. “I can see your headache.” 

Alex was seated at the small table inside the studio. Lounging while Miles and the band went over his part of Separate and Ever Deadly. He tapped his food to the beat. Closing his eyes and resting his head back. It hurt to stand, it hurt to talk, it hurt to do anything. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep away all of it. His stomach lurched and he felt a tightness in his jaw.

_Fuck._

He hopped up and ran straight into the bathroom spilling his half digested breakfast into the toilet. Bringing himself up, he coughed and wiped his mouth. 

“Al?” A familiar voice. 

“I’m here.” He called out. Clenching his eyes shut and leaning against the side of the blue stall. 

“Hey,” Miles said softly. “You okay?”

“No, not really.” He admitted. 

“Oh. To be honest, James isn’t too pleased with you.”

Alex chuckled and winced. 

_Ouch._

“Dont s’pose he is.” Alex admitted. “You can tell ‘im I’ll be right there.” Alex gingerly picked up his head and looked at Miles, who was standing right outside the stall. He looked concerned. 

“You sure..?” Miles almost whispered.

“Mmm, no. But I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Yeah. You’re right.” Miles sighed. Gave him a small smile and left the bathroom. Once he heard the door creak shut, he groaned and slid down the wall, burying his face in his hands and groaned. 

His brain was short circuiting. 

_Miles. Miles. Miles! But Alexa. And Miles._

“UGH!” He loudly cursed. 

He stood up, too fast, getting a head rush. He flushed the toilet and headed back to the others.

——————————————

“Hey bud, feelin’ better yet?” Owen came up behind Alex patting his shoulder in their kitchen.

“S’pose. Headaches gone down a tad.” 

“Good to hear. Good to hear...James and Stephen are fucking around outside, ‘M gonna go join them for a bit.”

Alex nodded, and Owen swiftly picked his hand up off of Alex’s shoulder and walked away. After Owen shut the door, he felt an arm slide across his back and to the opposite side of his waist. Miles rested his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex melted straight into the touch and rested his hand on the one Miles had around his waist. They stood there for a bit, but then Alex heard James’ voice shout outside. He jerked away from Miles, afraid he’d see them. It felt like waking up from a good dream, one you don’t want to end. 

“Wha-?” 

“I just- They don’t know. Sorry. They don’t know anything about what happened and I’m not sure I know what we’re gonna do now, ye know?” He looked at Miles in the eyes. “Sorry.” 

Miles sighed, walked up to Alex and placed a hand on his cheek.

“‘‘Tis fine.” 

Alex felt warmth spreading from where his hand was, until it was quickly removed when they heard the back door click open. 

“Hey boys!” It was Stephen, one of their bassists. “We found some bikes in the back. Been messin’ around on them.” They all stood in a circle. It was a tad awkward. 

“Right, well I just popped in for a beer, ‘f you don’t mind.” He said, directed towards Miles, who was standing in front of the fridge. 

“Oh, sorry mate.” He responded, hopping out of the way. Alex waited until the door was shut completely. He walked to the window and looked out, the sky was strawberry and peach coloured from the setting sun. He sighed, took a step back and turned to Miles. They just stood there for a bit, staring at each other. He listened to Miles’ breathing. 

“Miles. I..”

“You…” Miles urged him on.

“I’m not gay. Or anything. You know that.” 

“Me neither.” Miles simply responded. 

“Well now we got that all bloody cleared up, why do I want you so bad? All the time. Before we did anything I did. I still do. God, I’m so confused.”

He sat on the couch that was just outside the kitchen. He felt like he was spilling his guts.

“You think I’ve got a clue what’s going on?” Miles sounded stunned at the words Alex just spat out of his mouth. “I don’t understand what you want, I don’t know what to do with you.” 

Alex looked up at Miles, who had walked up and stood in front of him. 

“You think I didn’t think about you like _that_ before what we did last night? I thought I made that rather clear, yesterday day in the studio.” 

“No. I didn’t you told me you were fucking around. And I believed it.” 

“God. You think I have answers, Alex? I fucking don’t! I’m just as confused as you are!” Miles snapped at him.

Alex’s vision blurred. His eyes started to sting. He blinked and felt a hot tear stream down his cheek. Miles sighed. He sat down next to him. 

“Don't know why ‘m cryin’. Swear.” He choked out.

“‘s okay. I understand.” Miles wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulders, pulling him close. 

“Listen. We can figure this out together. We’ve got a few weeks, yeah?”

“What about when it’s over?” Alex sniffed.

“Dunno. Like I said. We’re going to figure it out. I promise.” 

“Okay.” Alex felt his raging emotions die down a tad. He looked up at Miles, his big doe eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Miles whispered. Alex was surprised at first. But then a strange calmness spread over him. 

_We’re going to figure it out._

“Yes.” He whispered back.

They brought their mouths together for a sweet, delicate kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna take a small break from writing because i have no clue where i’m going with this story and i don’t want to get lost in it. Try and figure out but of a plot yk.  
> ty for reading! luv uuu <3


	4. Don’t get lost.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the distance a cricket started to chirp and he closed his eyes. Letting the natural song fill his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i lied i had my bestie help me with this chapter and i love her for that

**2014**

_06:43 AM_

_M: Hey Al._

_A: Hey! What’s up mate._

_M: Nothing. Just got up. Got anything planned for later today?_

_A: I’m going to my parents today. Been a while so it’ll be nice to see them._

_M: Tonight then?_

_A: No, if you want to get together just ask. And if you are asking then yes, I’d like to go out._

_M: Oh, cool. Well I’m not sure what I have planned for the rest of the day. But let me know when you’re free :)_

_A: Right. See you tonight._

**2008**

**#Miles**

(Five days after where we left off in 2008)

He woke up in his room, and stretched his limbs out in his bed. His leg bumped another when he stretched. He opened his eyes and rolled over. He and Alex hadn’t _done_ anything that night. They hadn’t done anything sexual since that night since they first kissed. Alex had been sleeping in Miles’ bed the past few nights. He slept the best he ever had since they arrived, these past few nights, with Alex sleeping softly in his arms. 

Since they had agreed to take things slower and figure it out between them, he found himself constantly wanting to kiss and cuddle and fuck Alex. He felt a bit guilty about that, but he was constantly craving his touch. Not quite ideal in the constant company of others, they didn’t get much alone time together, but when they did they spent it either chatting like normal mates, or snogging until their lips were swollen and red. (Mostly snogging) Miles didn’t mind it. He rolled over in his bed and wrapped his arm around Alex, with this face buried in his sweet smelling hair. He breathed Alex’s scent in. Alex deeply inhaled. Miles could tell he was awake. 

“Morning, you.” He whispered.

“G’morning.” Alex groaned in response. He broke free from Miles' hold and turned to face him. 

“You sleep well?” He asked, placing a hand in Miles’ waist.

“Yeah. Great actually.” Alex gave Miles a sweet smile, that made Miles smile in return. He adored Alex. He was so perfect. His hair was messy and in his face. It was adorable.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Miles blinked at Alex, who had been quiet for quite a while.

“Jus’ thinking.”

“Well, ‘Penny for your thoughts’ actually means: What are you thinking about! Believe it or not.”

Alex kicked him in the shins and Miles giggled.

“I was thinking about coffee. And how nice it sounds right about now.” 

“Mm. Yeah. You know what else sounds nice?”

“What.”

“Rolling over and letting me cuddle you for a few more minutes.” 

Alex let out a puff on air and rolled over, inviting Miles to do what he ask.

After a few minutes Alex Spoke up. 

“We really should get up now.” 

Miles whined. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay and be like this forever. But the hand of harsh reality unfolded. They couldn’t. For a reason he didn’t quite understand, it just felt like what they were doing just wasn’t supposed to happen. Miles pulled himself off of his best friend and watched him get up and head to the door, in just his boxers. Stopping before he opened it.

“I recommend you do the same.” Opening the door and pausing. He slammed the door and turned around.

“Shit. James is there. Give it a minute.” 

Miles looked at him. 

Alex looked at Miles and he sighed. He opened the door, peeked again and then hopped across the hallway. 

**2014**

**June**

Alex and his band had been extremely successful this year. That meant he didn’t get to Alex as much, and everywhere they went Alex was recognized. He didn’t mind it. He was happy for Alex. Where he was going with his life. It just meant less Alex for him. 

_That’s selfish, God. He’s not mine._

He wiped his hand over his eyes. Lately he had been thinking about Alex a lot. He was ecstatic that he could see him tonight. It’s been so long since they had gone out together. Almost four months he counted. In a half hour, he’d see him again. 

“Miles.” Alex exhaled when they hugged. Miles wrapped his arms tight around Alex’s waist, and his face to his shoulder. He breathed in his scent. Heavy. They hadn’t done anything sexual since The Age of the Understatement tour ended. It was normal between them, just like it had been before anything ever happened. Miles did want more, but he wasn’t going to do that to Alex. He felt Alex probably didn’t want anything to do with Miles like that anymore. Their hug lasted a long time, it had been so long to them that they made it up mostly through a hug. They broke apart and Alex kept a firm grip on Miles’ neck. Squeezing it. It made Miles aware of his own pulse. He sharply inhaled, and Alex deftly removed his hand. 

Alex looked different than before. Miles was all for it. He looked...Hot. There was no way around that and no better way to describe him. Instead of a messy unstyled mop of hair on his head, he had clipped hair on the sides, and the top was slicked back with gel. God, he could eat him alive. 

_Get yourself fucking together._

“What’d you end up doing today?” Alex said in a mild tone, as they made their way down the sidewalk.

“I moved some shit around. My room was a fuckin’ mess so I cleaned it up. Papers all over.”

“Working on anything new?” 

“Mm, got some shit. Not vibing with any of it though, feels like it’s all.. dunno, not s’posed to be written… if that makes sense.”

It was a little past 8 PM and the sun was setting fast, leaving a familiar pink and peach sunset in the sky.

“What have you been writing about? That might be the problem.”

_You._ His brain offered. 

“Oh, dunno. Just some BS that comes to mind.”

“Summat in particular?” They were quickly nearing the pub.

_Yes._

_“_ No.” They arrived and Miles opened the door for Alex. He gave him a small smile for thanks and entered. They ordered two large pints and started talking away. Miles noticed that Alex’s beer was quickly disappearing. 

“You all right, mate?” 

“Mm.” Alex removed the beer glass from his lips. “Fine. Why. You?” 

“...Fine.” Miles gave him a look and Alex returned it. 

“What.” Alex asked.

“Last time you were downing beers this fast in my presence you…” Miles remembered the night. Alex had kissed him. They kissed. The first time. 

“Right. ‘M gonna stop you right there.” Alex looked around as if he were paranoid. 

“Seriously man! What’s gotten into you?” 

“Nuffin! Told you.” Alex groaned. He slid his beer away from him, ordering another. 

After Alex started slowing down a tad with this beer, Miles became more relaxed. Less worried. They talked and talked and talked. 

Miles yawned peeking at his watch.

“Fuck, it’s almost midnight.” He said with another yawn approaching. Funny how fast time went with Alex. Both of them were drunk. 

“Mmm.” Alex swayed in his seat. “‘M gonna use the loo.” He stared at Miles. He just swore Alex winked at him. 

_Nah. Just drunk._ He settled on.

Alex got up and Miles watched him slowly make his way to the bathroom. 

Two minutes went by.

Three.

Four. 

“Uh- sir…?” The bartender offered “I think you should check on your friend. ‘S been in the room quite a while.”

“Yeh, I agree.” He hopped up. A little more conscious of his surroundings because of his concern. He opened the door to the men’s room, and Alex was standing there.

“Wondering how long it’d take you.” His voice echoed. He was wearing a sly grin, keeping balance leaning against a stall.

“What?” Miles snorted.

———————————————

**#Alex**

It was late, and he was sitting outside the shared house on the porch at night in a rickety lawn chair. The small area was lit by a flickering light, where moths and other insects danced around it. The air was hot and it was very humid. Looking up at the stars, Alex was alone, left with his own thoughts, which was dangerous at this time. Constantly crashing and swirling around in his head, leading to one thing and another and another. He realized he’d forgotten about the cigarette he had lit as it was quickly burning out in between his fingers. 

He thought about Miles, mostly. What were they going to do? He wasn’t sure why he was freaking out over this so much. It’s not like they’d never see each other again after france. It felt like it though. Since their small fight and agreement to take things slower and figure it out, it only sped up his want for Miles. Miles had told him: 

“I don’t understand what you want, I don’t know what to do with you”

And he didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure of what he wanted either. He wanted Miles. He knew that. And that circled around to Alexa. How he felt so strongly about her, he loved her deeply, and she had no clue about any of this. That he fucked Miles. He wanted to keep fucking him too. But he still wanted her. And their relationship. It was an entire circle. In the distance a cricket started to chirp and he closed his eyes. Letting the natural song fill his mind. The door behind him sucked air and opened. It was James.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hi.” 

James stood there behind him for a while.

“Something I can help you with?” Alex asked.

“Nope. No. Just checking on ya.” He came up beside Alex and sat in the concrete gazing up at the stars. “Beautiful tonight, yeah?” 

“Mhm.” Alex nodded. The single cricket continued to chirp and that was the only sound between them for a while.

“Al?” 

“James.” 

“Have you been sleeping with Miles?” 

_Fuck._

Alex said nothing. For a few reasons actually. For one he didn’t know _what_ to say. And two what was he supposed to say? 

“I…” He managed to get out.

James looked at him. 

“You…” He pulled himself together “It's not going to happen again.” 

“I don’t care who you fuck Alex. Keep fucking him for all I care. You seem happy..er.” He continued “Just don’t get lost in it. We’re not done with this yet and you still have a tour to do. Not to mention you have a bird waiting for you at your apartment. Don’t get lost.” He picked himself up and walked back inside. 


	6. Don’t F*ck In a Public Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lay on his back in his bed, Arielle pushed against him with his muscular arm around her. The yellow city lights flashing through the blinds onto the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s a lot of sex in this chapter and it’s mostly sex and it’s super bland cuz idk where to go with the story so enjoy

**#Alex**

**2014**

“What?” Miles snorted

Alex wanted Miles since he laid eyes on him after not seeing him for four months, not to mention he was reasonably drunk. He never _stopped_ wanting him. He was sure Miles was over him, but he was drunk and horny. He was letting himself go.

He pushed off the stall and brought himself up to Miles, pushing him back against the door. He looked frightened and he stumbled back. Immediately before Alex put his lips on Miles,

“Uh-uh. I thought we were done. I thought we weren’t doing this again. It’s been years.” 

Alex brought his face back and put his lips in a pout. 

“Aw. I’m willing to break that.” It wasn’t even him talking. He was just letting his brain go. “You?” He was moving his face closer to Miles’ letting out slow hot pants on to his lips. Alex planted a wet kiss onto them. He couldn’t breathe again. He kissed him. God. He missed him so much. He planted another kiss. And another. All separate from each other. Miles put his hands on Alex’s ass, spreading them wide. His lungs were about to explode from the pressure of holding his breath as he kissed him. Miles pushed himself off of the door, and had Alex pinned flush against the rough wall of the bathroom. 

“Hmmmph..” Alex broke them. “Lock…. Door” he made out between loud kisses. Miles walked backwards and locked the door from

behind him, and then rushed back to Alex’s lips. 

“God, I want you. It’s been too long.” Alex breathed out.

“I’m not fucking you in a pub bathroom. You remember what happened last time. C’mon.” Miles unlocked the door and with Alex following closely behind him, paid for their drinks and got a taxi. 

Though Miles’ apartment wasn’t far, he didn’t trust himself to not end up fucking Miles in a alleyway. He sported a large boner all the drive back to Miles’, which was an awkwardly quiet drive. After they were dropped off and inside, it was back to the wall for Alex. His short sleeved dark blue button down quickly getting un-done by Miles’ experienced fingers. Shaking his shirt off, his bare back made contact with the cool wall. He shivered. A moan escaped his lips when Miles sucked at the base of his jaw. His heart was beating so fast, the pulse was in his ears. He felt a swelling grow in his chest. All the memories were flooding back. 

_Miles. Miles. Miles._

From the first fuck to the last. It was impossible to compare it to anyone else. 

Miles had lost his shirt, and was starting to undo Alex’s belt. 

“‘M gonna suck you off in the hallway, huh?” He stated as he dropped to his knees. Alex whined in response and Miles pressed his mouth the the bulge. His legs felt like jelly, he put his hands on Miles’ shoulders to keep from collapsing. 

“ _Fuck!_ “ He gasped when Miles took him in his mouth. His moans were so loud he was almost certain the neighbors would hear him. Not that he really gave a fuck. As usual, and almost immediately he felt an orgasm pooling in the swirling pit of his stomach. He looked down at Miles, licking him in a slow and torturous manner. He took as much as he could of Miles’ short hair in his hands and tugged on it. 

“Fuck…Mi...’m so fucking close.” He planted out. Miles chuckled and the vibrations from the back of his throat sent him over the edge, giving him one of the hottest orgasms he’d had in _years._ Miles came up to him, wiping his mouth. Alex kissed his wet swollen lips. 

“Bedroom.” Miles whispered. Alex let out a breath and wobbled there, still reasonably drunk. He lost his jeans and boxers and fell onto Miles’ white duvet, Miles himself glued to his front. Alex reached between them and stroked Miles, who had also lost his tight black jeans on the way to his room. 

He bit his bottom lip and let a short breath escape his lips onto Alex’s open mouth.

“Mi, I need you.” He had wanted him before, but it had escalated into a pulsing _need_ to have Miles. Miles reached over the nightstand and opened the drawer, fished around for a bit while they violently kissed. He pulled out a condom and lube. Miles gave him a look as if he was asking if this is what Alex wanted.

Alex nodded.

They had only gone all the way a few times. Nothing Alex regretted. He just got nervous before.

“I need you to tell me if it’s too much, yeah?”

Alex nodded again. He threw his head back into the pillow with a moan as Miles entered him. Stringy strands of his gelled hair sticking to his forehead when Miles began to thrust his hips. He felt every inch of Miles. Alex’s hands roamed Miles’ back and made their way down to his bum and gave it a squeeze.

“Unggh…” Miles groaned “Fuck Alex..”

Alex brought a hand back up and grabbed the back of Miles’ head putting their mouths together, nibbling at Miles’ bottom lip. His lungs burned, the shared air between Mi and him became not enough, he moaned as he felt his second climax of the night nearing. 

**#Miles**

He woke up to a ringtone that wasn’t his. He felt Alex scramble out of bed and heard him answer.

“Hey! Morning.” 

Miles opened his eyes. Alex was still naked.

_“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been waiting all night!”_

Miles could hear Arielle’s voice from the bed. 

Alex turned to look at the clock and it read nine forty-five.

“I’m sorry. I went out with Miles last night and we got drunk. Crashed at his place. ‘S all.”

He heard more of her voice, garbled now, so he couldn’t quite make out what it said.

“Mhm. Sorry. See you later.” Alex turned off the phone.

He was reaching for his underwear.

“What’re you doing?” Miles asked, propping himself up on his elbows. Alex sighed and slipped them on. He crawled on the bed and kissed Miles on the lips. 

“It’s almost ten o’clock.”

“And?”

“And… uh…” Alex paused.

“‘Uh’ is right. Stay longer.” Miles wasn’t one for pleading but in this case, it had been too long.

“I can’t. She’s waiting.”

“A _she_ is always waiting for you Alex.” Miles paused and frowned when a thought popped into his head “Are you going to fuck her when you get back?” Alex’s face dropped. 

“No. I am not. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me.” He stood up and picked up his jeans, his belt buckle clinking as he slipped them on. “You think after last night I’d be already be thinking about fucking my girlfri-“ 

“Alex…” Miles quietly cut Alex off after spotting the dark purple-y love bite on his lower neck when he bent down to get his shirt.

“ _Miles_.” He responded with a tone of sarcasm in his voice. 

“Your- your neck” 

His eyes went wide 

“Fuck.” He ran to the bathroom, Miles could see his face in the mirror, his fingers running over the hickey. “Miles.” 

Miles chuckled.

“Guess you’ll have to stay, huh?” He joked.

Alex turned around and gave him a glare, but it immediately softened. He sighed. Walked over to Miles, who was still tangled in the sheets and kissed his shoulder and started making his way up his neck, crawling on top of him while he did. 

He continued kissing him and each small kiss sent electric bolts throughout his body. Then it stopped. Alex was reaching for his phone and started to text.

“Really? Really Al?”

“Shush. I’m telling her I’ll be home at twelve.” He looked up to Miles, and they let eyes. 

“ _Twelve_ Miles Kane _._ Twelve o’clock. Not a minute more.” Miles nodded in agreement. Alex sat down on his phone on the bedside table and picked up where he left.

———————————

It was like they never stopped. Which was strange to Miles. Because they had. Then Alex jumped him and they started again. It’s been six _years_ since anything happen and then Alex suddenly decided he wanted to start fucking Miles again? Miles loved him, and never stopped wanting Alex, but was so sure that Alex had stopped wanting him. He was making lunch after Alex left. His thoughts swirling through his semi-hungover cottony head. Not remotely concerned about anything at the moment, but feeling that strange confusion that Alex had caused him in 2008. Above all, he already missed him. He had left all of fifteen minutes ago. He kept replaying the recent steamy scenes in his head. His brain lately had revolved around Alex, and last night certainly didn’t help. 

**2008**

They had gone out for the second and probably the last time for their time in France, James had announced. Miles was feeling good about himself. The album was going smoothly and he and Alex’s intimacy was rather _quickly_ escalating. Miles quietly smiled to himself. 

“What are you smiling about?” Alex fondly made eye contact with him. 

“Nothing.” He couldn’t help but grin again. 

“Really.” Alex’s hair was especially fluffy tonight. Miles reached up and tangled his fingers through the soft dark strands, ruffed them up, then gave them a slight tug before removal of his hand. He picked up his whiskey and coke and took a sip, the sharp coldness of ice touching his top lip. He could feel Alex still staring at him. He turned to yet again make eye contact with Alex. Only, the stare was different. Alex kept that burning gaze that he felt on the side of his head. 

“I was thinking about- uh…” Miles trailed off as he got lost in Alex’s eyes. After a moment a hand flashed in front of his face.

“Miiiiiles. You were saying?” Alex chuckled.

He sat up.

“You- uh…” He had been thinking about Alex. Would it be creepy to tell him that? Surely Alex wasn’t constantly thinking of Miles and sex as he was. “Uh...”

“Jesus Christ Miles spit it out!”

“Can’t remember.”

_Lie._

He didn’t know what to say to Alex. He took a sip of his drink.

“Bull shit. I’ll drop it. But _I_ was saying..” A fiery look arised in Alex’s eyes. Miles recognized this look. He spoke and his voice had dropped considerably low. “That you should give me a hand-job in the bathroom.” 

Miles choked and laughed.

“What.” Alex looked disappointed.

A pause.

“Oh, you're _serious_.” Miles said wide eyed.

“That I am.”

“We’re- we’re in public.”

“Really? Hadn’t noticed.” He replied flatly. Alex sat down his drink on the bar and left for the bathroom, looking back as he left and gave Miles a small sly smile. 

Images of Alex started to flood his head. No use in ignoring it now. After another minute he picked himself up and started towards the bathroom. 

The door creaked open. As soon as he was fully in the bathroom he checked under the stalls, no one was there.

He saw Alex’s black shoes in the very last one, and smiled to himself. Opening the stall, Alex was leaning against the textured white wall. Miles stepped in and locked it. Next thing he knew Alex was all over him, he could taste him and feel him all over his body. 

“Well let’s get done what we came here for, yeah?”

Alex but his bottom lip and nodded. After undoing his belt and zipper, Miles slipped his hand into Alex’s boxers. Alex’s breath hitched as soon as Miles took him into his hands, small pants escaping his mouth. 

“Miles…” He whispered, his voice full of breath

“ _Alex.”_ Miles replied with a smile.

Miles’ pace was quickly speeding up, and before long he felt Alex’s cock twitch in his hand, knowing he was close to his climax, he slowed down and Alex whined. Then, his stomach lurched when he heard the same creak of the door. 

_“Fuck”_ He mouthed. He let go of Alex and hopped up onto the toilet, crouching. He looked to Alex, who still had that fiery look in his eyes. He grinned at Miles and started to slip his own hand into his underwear. Miles watched in amazement as Alex kept his eyes on Miles, stroking himself. His nose scrunched and his breath picked up again. He could still hear the other person in the bathroom, zipping up his pants and re-buckling his belt. Alex's mouth fell open and his head rolled back onto the wall, staring at the ceiling. The sink turned on. Alex was going to cum, and Miles knew it. He hopped off of the toilet, placed his hand over Alex’s mouth, and flushed it as Alex hit his climax. He heard the muffled moans of his best friend and felt his hot moist breath on the hand pressed over his mouth. The door creaked shut.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Miles blurted, lifting his hand.

“Yes.” Alex grinned. 

“You really are, Jesus Christ.” Miles turned to unlock the stall. “We’re not doing that _ever_ again.” 

“We’re not done _yet._ ” Alex stated. 

“Why?” 

“You’re still hard.” Alex pointed out.

“Yes. I am. And you can wank me off when we get back. Not bloody putting meself through that again.” 

Alex rolled his eyes in annoyed agreement. 

**2013**

Miles was lying in his bed, staring at the black ceiling. Thought still racing. 

_Why’d Alex decide to start wanting him again? When had he wanted him? Did he still after today? Alex..._

He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, smashing his face flush into his soft pillow. 

**#Alex**

He lay on his back in his bed, Arielle pushed against him with his muscular arm around her. The yellow city lights flashing through the blinds onto the wall.

 _“Miles…”_ He whispered to himself so quiet that it was mostly just breath. Arielle groaned.

“Hmm?” Her tone filled Alex’s ear.

“Didn’t say anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed my bland sex chapter

**Author's Note:**

> idk how often i’m going to be posting. been busy with school and such, thanks for reading!


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